When people in NY talk about "water bugs" they really mean " cockroaches the size of my head"
How come when I'm in a room with someone I don't like I'm told to "act like an adult" and be nice? Why? I thought grown ups weren't supposed to pretend anymore?
When I hear someone talking in another language it always sounds like they are yelling at me.
31 year olds should not own futons. (working on it)
22 year olds should not have shoes that are more expensive than my rent.
Who invented the zipper and is there an unknown zipper fortune somewhere?
I want to go to a bar in another country and dance to the song "American Woman".
I think the depressed people in the cymbalta commercial should just shower and put on make up…they would feel better.
How come when a homeless guy wearing a burger king crown smelling like pee gets onto a crowded subway he stands next to me? EVERY TIME.
Why to the Jesus people stand sit on the bench at the 42nd street subway to talk about God? I mean I'm not THAT religious but....I'm pretty sure when asked "What Would Jesus do?" ...the answer isn't "take the 6 uptown and transfer to the F"
I'd like to buy a vintage Volkswagen bug so that I can drive around and watch children slap each other as I drive past.
If you are a single female living alone you and you are over the age of 25 you should NOT get your first cat.
How come if there is a time in your life where you become too old to be a flower girl you are never too old to be a bridesmaid?
I think every other New Years eve is fun. It's like fate decides the you can not possibly have two good years in a row. Pretty soon you know just don't go out every other year.
John Mayor is a tool
Why does the winter feel so long and summer feels so short?
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