1) The group shot – there’s 4 dudes in the picture. I’m going to assume you are the midget in the photo. (And is that guy on the end single? He’s hot)
2) Kitten – Just a kitten? Really? A) that’s stupid B) what guy has a cat? B) I’m allergic C )I simply hate cats
3) Hospital – You holding a baby in the hospital. Sure this could be your niece or cousin or god child..I’m not going to click on to read – I’m going to assume it’s your kid and you are douchy enough to ditch the mother of your child and create a profile.
4) Car – Right a picture of your car is going to make me swoon. I’m 33 not 16. Any fuckwad can lease a BMW that doesn’t mean your mother doesn’t pay your rent, or that you don’t live in her basement.
5) Orange shirt – It looks like a prison mug shot
6) Web Cam self portrait – You know that screen shot that Chris Hanson shows right before he reads the dirty email about a tube of lube and a jar of pickles to the underage boy? That’s what this picture looks like. Plus, you didn’t make your bed and there is a poster on the wall of Harry Potter. Clearly you don’t even live in the basement. You are 40 and share a room with your brother in your mom’s house. She still does your laundry.
7) Sunglasses at night – Clearly you are in a club wearing sunglasses. You are “that” guy and I don’t want to even be seen with you let alone go out on Staten Island.
8) Happy Trail - Awesome but I don't really care to see what you look like admiring yourself in the bathroom with your gym shorts pulled down and your happy trail showing. Besides - I prefer the manscape.
9) Tree - really - a landscape shot? What's that supposed to mean? Did you go there? Do you live there. I want to see a realistic image of what you look like - not the backdrop to "On Golden Pond"
10) Daddy issues - hey old guy. Just because you have a "heart of Gold" doesn't mean that I'm going to forget the fact that you had your own apartment when the Berlin wall came down and I watched it in my 4th grade classroom. I already have a father and I'm not looking for a replacement.
