The "New Me" is a bitch. (Maybe)

In the last few days SEVERAL people have suggest I read the book called "Why Men Love Bitches".  Apparently, I do it all wrong....all the time.

I have to say I'm not really a big believer in these books.  I just feel like I'm going to be myself and the right guy will like me for me.   Apparently,  not the case.

I think there is a disconnect when you go from being a larger gal in the dating world to a smaller one and it honestly has zero to do with size.  It's all mental.  It's how you feel about yourself and what you think you see in the mirror.  The truth is what  you see in that mirror is what other people are going to see in you.  If you are confident, no matter what size tag is on your shirt, that's what comes off to people.

I was not one of those people.  I think that's why "old me" made TERRIBLE choices in men.  It's like I thought "OMG someone likes this lumpy fat girl, this is my ONLY shot".    I've learned to get past that part now and I've learned to like the way I look.  But I do notice I continue to be a doormat when it comes to men.  It's not that I think that there will be no one else, it's just that I want to be the "nice girl".

The nice girl is always usually available and the nice girl will rearrange her schedule to see the new guy she is dating.  The nice girl always makes room because she wants to be accommodating.  

The real theme to this book (that I think everyone should read).  Is to be your OWN person.  Have your OWN thoughts, express them.  Have plans, have a life, do things.  It's easy to get caught up in something new but that flame burns out quickly because there is nothing left to discover.  You (or he or both) get bored and you feel like you've already been through all phases of the relationship.

It honestly made me see so many places where I went wrong in my previous relationship.  (Other than the fact that I shouldn't have been in it in the first place).

So now, I've been on two whole dates with this new guy.  We shall call him "the quiet one" because he could be the quietest person I have ever dated.  The quiet one has this annoying habit of texting me, I reply and than nothing for an entire day.  I mean do you get a response, throw your phone into an abyss and spend the next 24 hours fishing it out?  ANNOYING.

The quiet one seems like someone I could possibly really like (based on our two dates) but who knows, I'm sure the Jordan Vandersloot had 2 dates with the same girl.  (Yes I have a fear of serial killers).  So it's been two weeks and he's been sick.  I was about to write him off when last night I got a flirty text from him.  Before reading this book I would have texted something flirty back.  I stopped myself and thought, it's Friday night and he needs to wonder if I'm out.  So New Melissa did not text back.  (But totally will later today because I'm not a bitch, I'm mysterious damn it).

I'm totally ready to put this theory to the test.  If this doesn't work my next book is going to be "How to have your dog not eat your face when you die alone"

Skinny Bitch

I know I know....I'm never on.  I never had anything to say before now!  I've struggled for a while about what this blog should be about since I'm kind of all over the place myself.  But here's a history to catch you up since the last post.

I've now lost 105 lbs.  WHOOOOO.   Back in January when I hit under 200 I decided that NYE 2013 was going to be the start of my "Slutbatical".  I was going to make up for lost time.  I was so ready to go.  I rented this HOT red dress from rent the runway (lace).  I went to a match.com stir event at a hot night spot in NYC.  I WAS READY.

So we walk in.  All the ladies, not cute.  (HELLO BELL OF THE BALL!).  I mean it was amazing.  Cute guys and now this!  Anyway, I decided to to scope the room.  I see who I think is the hottest guy there and walk up to him and tell him so.  Naturally...he is a total dick.  My next move, more booze.

I take my drink and sit down...it's midnight.  My long time "what if" guy texts me.  I instantly cry.  NOT how I want to ring in 2014.  Like at all.  (More booze is needed.  Head straight to the bar.)

Along comes said "hottest guy in the room" and he is nice and says he is sorry.  We talk for like 10 min.  I drink for 7 of those min.  Cut to...bathroom make out.  Nice....(Slutbatical...back on).

We end up leaving shortly after.  He is promising me he wants to take me to dinner that Friday.  Fine whatever.  This starts our long line of texting.  I start noticing.  He is FUCKING INSANE.  Like off the charts, wears his mothers clothing while playing the acoustic guitar naked and looking in the mirror - INSANE.

WTF...Skinny girls aren't supposed to have problems like this!  SOMEONE LIED TO ME!

Cut to Friday..I tell this guy to NEVER contact me again and figure out how to block him from calling (thanks google!).  As I'm doing this I get a message on OKcupid from a guy who looks like he is JUST my type...Blond, Blue eyed, Midwestern.  I agree to go out with him that night.  And than we dated for 8 months.  So my "Slutbatical" was 3 days of texting a potential serial killer.

Sadly, or not so sadly (as that relationship seemed to to be one of connivance and less of actual giving a shit) ended.

So now I'm back in it.  Skinnier and more lost than ever.  I miss the "what if" dude daily and talk to him on and off.  He's the worst thing for me and I keep doing it.  I'm pissed that my bf of connivance has moved on to a 30 year old hipster with a fucking cat and plastic bows in her hair.  She looks like she only speaks in a baby voice and she is absolutely called something that ends in a "y" or "i".

So now I think my entire approach to dating needs to change since I did.  I'm going into "Skinny Bitch Mode"