I am one of those lucky people who work in Corporate America. (Yes, all my girlhood dreams have come true). And while I consider my environment a laid back atmosphere there are still those ass holes who use Corporate jargon on a constant basis to try and make you think that they know everything when in reality, they are the biggest dip shits for miles. You know who the are, everyone has one. They will use a sentence such as "I'm sorry, I don't mean to talk shop at lunch, but, did Jennifer ever follow-up with you on that work order? No? Well I'll follow-up with her to make sure that she partners with you and than we will circle back...I just want to make sure we have all our ducks in a row.
I thought I'd take the time to translate this douchie language for you so that you too can understand how to be an a-hole.
Follow- up = Stalk
Partner = Ask
Ducks in a row = cover my own ass
Circle back = annoy the crap out of you until you are forced to complete the task so I can shut up.
Thinking outside the Box = I'm an asshole who can't think of a single original thing..and i just proved it by using the most obvious phrase ever.
Offline Conversation = Please don't tell HR that I'm talking to you and staring at your boobs.
On the same page = Just in case the shit hits the fan, you are going down too.
COB (close of business) - Hurry up asshole
Touch Base - Thanks for answering the phone.
Heads up - I just got you in trouble, but wanted to let you know first so I appear concerned.
Working "off-site" - I'm getting a bikini wax, but my blackberry is on.
