I'm back bitch

I don't think there is a single person on this planet who is happier to see this year finally get flushed down the old toilet.

One of my 2013 promises to myself is to get back out there.  Travel more, go out more and take a few more risks.  I will write about all the stupid things I do and say along the way.  And that my friends is my promise to you in this upcoming year.  All 5 of you who read this.  So get ready for some drunk blogging because that is a guarantee.

Language of Love

To say that I have neglected this blog is probably speaking to kindly.  I flat out abandoned it for quite some time.  But I promise I had a good reason.  But I promised someone that I would try and focus on this a little bit more and provide some entertainment.  

I really didn't know what to say since my dating life has been non existent since December.  In the spirit of rejoining life, I posted a slightly stupid profile on Plenty of Fish.  All it took me was 10 hours to figure out why this site creep-ed me out before.  This is the gem of an email I just received. 

Here is what I want to write back:

Dear Chicken Choker (that's what the profile picture is),

What a silly question, do I like sperm?  I love sperm.  I think sperm is the best invention since truffle oil.  Clearly my profile screams how much I like sperm.  

Please tell me about your profile picture for I find it fascinating.  Are you the one choking the chicken or are you suggesting your chicken be choked?  I just like to know these things up front.  You seem like the kind of guy that really knows how to treat a lady.  

I see your profile says your "Looking for a Relationship". How is that working out for you?  Have you found your sperm soul mate yet?  I also see that your profession is listed as "direct deposit".  As in your paycheck from your job is direct deposited or you know your way around a sperm bank?    Clearly since your "About Me" section says that you are on here looking for your future wife and start a family, sperm acceptance is a must.  You are a modern day John Hughs.  I want you to Lloyd Dobbler me with talks of sperm.  xoxo