People who annoy me

*Disclaimer - This list is purely observational and not directed at anyone specific.  Should you find yourself fitting into one of these categories, you should consider submitting an audition tape for a Lifetime Network reality show (or the Bachelor because those girls are INSANE)

1. Inappropriate Concert Fist pumpers - You know who they are.  They are usually drunk and way too old to be there.  There's a slow jam on and the fist pumper is screaming at the stage in an "it's like they are talking JUST to me way."  It's a slow jam and 54 year old step dad is rocking out like he's at CBGB's.
2. Cinda-relique - These are grown adults that have no children and have an unnatural fascination with Disney.  They own every movie on VHS and DVD.  They go several times a year on vacation.  There are at least three Disney stickers or stuffed animals on the back of their car.  This condition is most common in gay men and unattractive single women.  Every time I go to visit my parents in Orlando i am forced to sit with these people on the airplane.  I am sometimes lucky enough to sit next to a couple who are returning from their honeymoon wearing the ears.  (yea that looks great at JFK)
3. It's never too early for Jesus - The crazy church lady on the 4 or 5 train who's screaming  about our lord.  Dude, Jesus is cool and all but even he doesn't want to hear you yelling this early, when it's this hot, and my head is in the armpit of a homeless man.
4. The girl in the banana clip - Please tell me where in this day and age, does one find a banana clip to purchase and why would you?  I think they all come from the Midwest (which is reason number 3894320 why i hate that entire area)
5. Basketball is always in season -   These kids are ALWAYS selling candy for their basketball team. WHY?  I mean doesn't the season EVER end?  I want them to tell the truth.  "look man, I just store this box of candy from the Bodega on the corner, you like like your drunk, hungry or high. let's talk."  I feel like I might be more inclined to purchase the $5 starburst if that kid was honest.  It's either that or Manhattan is home to the world's richest basketball team of 10 year olds.
6. My new new Garbage man - I used to have the worlds best garbage man in all of Manhattan.  He sang Jay-Z every night.  He sang to the rats.  I miss.
7. Head to toe Denim - There is no one single occasion that warrants head to toe denim.  NONE.  Especially matching denim.
8. Early Exit - In the morning the train is PACKED.  The door is about to open, you are facing it.  Your face is pressed against the dirty hot glass and you are CLEARLY about to exit as soon as that door opens and the dill hole behind you says "excuse me" so that you can move and he can be the fist out. A) the door is still closed. B) I'm getting out too. C) I do not have the ability to walk through walls.
9. Midnight Movie Babies - I HATE when i go to a movie...a grown up movie...not a cartoon. And some unfit mother brings her baby.  Thinking the baby will sleep through the dolby digital explosins they are shocked when  the child wakes up and cries.  I think there should be baby free movies, restaurants and airplane times.  So people like me who don't like them and don't want to hear them, do not have to suffer.
10. Two cell phone dude - Sadly, it's me.  I have two.  I'm that asshole.