Flowers for Algernon

Everyone has one in their family.  The crazy aunt.  My aunt Gloria has made it her personal mission in life to solve the age old question of "why the hell aren't you married yet"?  This is nothing new - she has been doing this since I'm 23.

So one day at the OLD age of 25 I get a phone call from her.  "Missy - you are still not seeing anyone right?"  (Awesome- just the pep talk I need as I sit at the front desk of a tiny advertising agency where my main function is to make coffee and feed fish while getting paid a few cents more then a migrant farm worker).  

ME: No, I am STILL not seeing anyone thank you for asking.

Aunt: "Well I want to set you up with someone who's very sweet. (translation  - He's been featured on Dateline NBC).  

ME: Well, no thank you I don't think I want to be set up with anyone (I plan to continue my after work jaunts to the bridge and tunnel happy hour bars and drunkenly make out with someone who's name I do not care to know)

Aunt:  Well you might like him - he's a little older.  

Me; HOW OLD? 

Aunt: 40

Me: I"M 25!  How do you know this person? Did you meet him on the street??

Aunt:  Well no - he works at the nursery where I buy my plants

Me:  A FLORIST!  You want to set me up with a 40 year old FLORIST?  Does he OWN it or he's working there?

Aunt:  He works there - He's very nice but I think he's "a little slow",

Me:  What?

Aunt:  You know - slightly off.

Me:  You want me to go out with a 40 year old autistic florist? 

Aunt: Well Missy - you need to meet someone!

- And that my friends is why to this day - I'm still single. Because I don't want to marry an autistic Florist.