Like 2 lemons? Or 2 grapefruit?

Look I'm really excited that you Are a champion for world peace (because that will happen and it's original) and that you have a job you like.

But...lets discuss your balls.

First Gross e-mail of 2013

Woke up to this gem.  My thoughts in red.

As a big ol teddy bear (Old and bald) , Id be glad to open all your jars for you.(My profile mentions that I SUCK at opening jars)  But I do have to say being a standup and someone you may wanna meet uuuuuuuummmmmm I really hope your balls aren't bigger than mine. (there is zero mention of balls of any type in my profile.  Why would you email a girl and imply she has testicles?) Could lead to me having a major complex thus forcing society to pay for my meds. So no balls for you. :)  (Look 40+ man, I do not want your balls.  I do not want you to mention balls. I do not want to accidentally picture your balls. I don't even want to know if you play football or watch it)

Day 1

Well it's been 2013 for about 10 hours and the similarities between this and 2012 are pretty much exact. I woke up feeling hung over and awful. Tried to talk my dog into not having to pee and then barfed a little.

So far - I'm right on track.

I am proud to say I made it through NYE without saying or doing anything that would make me totally embarrassed. I spent it doing something that I never do - hanging out in Brooklyn. With an amazing friend and not playing into the crappy hype that surrounds NYE in NYC. Best decision so far. I hope for your reading pleasure (all 4 of you) that this year is filled with stupid mistakes I can publicly discuss. (Or else this shit will be super lame)