Every Time I Turn Around

Every time I (turn around) walk by a refrigerator on the street being thrown out I can't help but being brought back to a "very special episode" of Punky Brewster. You know the one….the gang is playing hide and go seek outside and Cheri hides in the refrigerator that's being thrown out because someone left the door on.




What I love about this is that there were not one but TWO life lesions in this episode.

1) You should always remember to pay attention when being taught CPR. (Punky didn't think she'd ever need it so she was doing something else the day they taught this in class and low and behold, she did indeed need it that afternoon).



2) Proper appliance disposal practices. You would think that in this day of iPods, Kindle’s and all that other useless crap they would just start making ones that can open from the inside. But I guess that would just encourage adolescent shananagins and poorly thought out games of hide and go seek.



That Punky……Always on the cutting edge of education……and fashion.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

I know everyone has their "freak" dating stories but I just need to know what it is about me that EVERY story I have has to be about a freak? So I was emailing this guy back and fourth and the email went into texting. I wasn't too thrilled with it because - well I just don't get thirlled anymore. BUT he did say he was a personal trainer so that got me happy because I could kill two birds with one stone.  I took the below convo directly from my phone. It started out normal enough:

Day 1
Guy: How r u doing?
Me: Suffering through the longest work day ever!!! You?
Guy: At the Gym. Worked a bit this am. You're in NYC right?
Me: Yep. And at the moment blasting my gym playlist to help me get there tonight.
Guy: LOL nice
Me: It will be nicer if it works! Where in NJ are you? I know nothing about NJ.
Guy: Union County - 30 min from the city
Guy: like my pics? - (OK who asks that? Would i email you back if I thought you were a troll? Fishing for complements -2)
Me: Yes Very cute (Dumbass)
Guy: Thanks hun. Ditto. How old are you again? (Hun? FU)
Me: 17

pause for dramatic effect

Me: Kidding I'll be 32 on Wednesday
Guy: I'll be 32 in a month. Tell me more about your self
Me: Grew up in FL Live in NYC for the last 9 years
Guy: I was born in Fl too (+5!) in Key west
Me: Well I'm at the gym now so, give me a call later if you feel like chatting
Guy: K hun sounds good (HUN -1)

No phone call that night. (I'm kind of happy about this)

Day 2
9am
Guy: Hey sexy - Good morning! (Stop calling me stupid pet names)


1:15pm
Guy: Hey cutie! R U into Bi Men? (Ummmm WTF!)
Me: ummmm no can't say that I am. How about yourself?
Guy: yes I am (Man who wants to date me that enjoys the occasional penis - )

Me: yeahhhh that probably won't work for me but I wish you the best. (you complete nut case)

And so....back out there I go.

Alll the single fella's - Lesson 1

Annnnnnnnnnd we're BACK!

So I got very off task with my whole dating thing. I've been too busy - going to weddings. I'm noticing a trend here on these dating sites and I feel like I OWE it to the male population out there to give you a few tips on what NOT to do in your profile.

Profile Pictures:
1) Do not use a scanned picture - DUDE - it's 2010. If  you can't get your hands on a digital picture of yourself that you think represents you, then we have a problem. Since no one has developed a picture since the first Bush was President.

2) Don't wear a bright orange shirt- this looks like a prison uniform.

3) Shirtless self portrait taken with iphone in bathroom mirror - creative - douchebag.

4) Children - NEVER have any child other then your own in the picture. Unless you ARE a father, I don't need to see you swaddelng a infant. It's not going to make my ovaries jump thinking you are a single guy who is DYING to reproduce.

5) Kittens - Whatever guys don't like kittens. They grow into cats. We know you are just trying to get laid.

6) Admit you live with your parents

7) Ed Hardy - If I see Ed Hardy anything...delete...........................................douchebag.

8) Justin Timberlake - If a picture comes up with you and Justin Timberlake, I'm going to think YOU are just a guy who looks like JT and will smile, wink, flirt with you with out reading the caption that you are the deformed troll on the LEFT of Justin TImberlake whom you ran into at Win Dixie.

9) Group shot - Picture it a group 3 guys..a priest, a blind guy, and an old man. I'm supposed to pick which one of you is this profile for? I'm so happy I paid money to get this exclusive information.

10) Sexy face - Please don't look at the camera like I one valume and a rum runner away from being locked in your basement. Your "Bedroom" eyes face looks like a date rape set to the sweet sweet songs of Dave Matthews and Jack Johnson. ..